- Hurt versus pain.
- June 5th, 2011
At my sister's house for the kids' baptisms. She had a lunch at the house after the service, and a baby showed up. A toddler. It made my heart freeze. The baby was 20 months old...a full 7 months older than Emma would have been. But the essence of post-infancy was there, the same way Emma would have been...walking, exploring, making noises but not quite talking yet...it was an arrow to my heart. And here is where we feel her loss. Envying a pregnant belly, longing for the day when I hold that tiny, pink, perfect body close to me, wanting...that hurts. But this, this LOSS, is painful. It really is like she is missing. She would have been doing those exact same things. She would have played with this little boy. I could barely look at him. I prayed the parents didn't ask us what I'm asked almost daily in interactions with patients: "do you have any kids?" A benign and completely natural question. I would have burst into tears for no apparent reason.
This song is about 9/11, but it's about the loss experienced after death. Great song.